By Claralynn Schnell of Contemporary VA
I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. – Martin Luther King, Jr.
Hate, it is a strong emotion and one that is usually full of passion, anger and drive. But in reality who does it help when you fill yourself with this emotion? The answer is that it helps no one. Please don’t get me wrong, this is an emotion that I have struggled with lately and to be honest, sometimes the hate wins for a short time. It usually doesn’t take me long to realize that giving into the hate only does harm to me and my emotions and does nothing to the person I am feeling the emotions towards.
Why do we hate? We hate because someone has done us wrong, or has failed to believe in something that we do. We use the emotion hate because it is easier to feel than hurt, disappointment and sometimes the realization that this person is not who you thought.
How do we overcome hate? Ahhhh, the time old question. For myself, the hate and anger that I have been feeling lately is due to my divorce. Due to being cheated on and lied to. Due to the man that I thought I was married to doesn’t really exist. Due to the fact that the father that I thought he was to our children is not really there. So how do I cope? How do I overcome those feelings? Here is what works for me…
1. I breathe in discontent/hate and then when I breathe out, I simply let it go.
Sound too good to be true? I repeat this to myself daily and it is helping, “I can only control myself and how I feel and react. I can’t force someone to be an honest person, good father or good husband.” At the end of the day, I remember that I need to live with myself and my emotions and actions. If I am living in a good way, being the best mom and dad to my sons then I have nothing to be hateful about, I simply have things to be grateful for.
2. Look at my part in the hate.
Again, sound to good to be true? Within every emotion there is a place that you belong. For me the hate I feel towards my soon to be ex-husband lives in the fact that I feel like I failed. I don’t fail at things and I didn’t realize I was failing at my marriage. Then I step back and look at the big picture: I have 2 great boys, I didn’t break my vows and walk out on my family and lastly I can raise my head high.
When the emotions of hate start to overwhelm you, take a step back and look at who the hate is hurting. Most times that hate is only going to hurt you and not the person you are feeling the emotion towards. Hate is strong and hate can be damaging to our lives. If you are feeling hate and can’t find a way to overcome it, contact Paul and he will help you on the road to understanding your hate.
It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get. – Confucius