By Claralynn Schnell of Contemporary VA
Compromise is an art form. Sometimes it means that we have to settle for less than what we want and less than what we feel we deserve. How do we compromise without feeling like we have lost ourselves, our lost the battle we were trying to accomplish? Here are some great rules to compromise.
- Pick your battles. Is this worth the fight? How much does this issue mean to you on a scale of 1-10. If it is a 10, then by all means stick your ground. However, if it is a 1, is there a reason not to compromise? I use this all the time with my 3 year old, my 16 year old brother and many others in my life. There will be plenty of “fights” that are worth it, however, why choose to battle over something that is not worth it! Choose your battles, at the end of the day, ask yourself…will this matter?
- Understand the stakes and the risks. How much does this mean to the other person? Is it beyond important for them?? Will not compromising on this issue damage your relationship? Being unwilling to compromise can permanently damage your relationship with those that you love and want to have healthy and wonderful relationships with.
- Be respectful of the other person. Compromise with integrity and grace. Do not belittle or degrade the person that you are compromise with. Allow them to speak freely and understand their side. Be respectful of how they are feeling and try to understand their side.
- State the facts. Do not bring feelings into the compromise as a fact. Simply state the facts as facts and feelings as feelings. Try this sentence… “I feel like….I hear you saying…” These tools will help with the communication and validate your views.
- Compromise and let go. Nothing is worse than agreeing to a compromise and then holding a grudge. If you are willing to compromise, then you also need to be willing to let go of what you wanted and embrace the compromise fully.
Being able to compromise is the sign of a strong and beautiful relationship. Both as friends, spouses and co-workers. Compromise gets the view of a “dirty” word when it does not need to. Compromise does not make you weak, in fact, it makes you extremely strong and understanding. It allows others to see you as a strong and understanding person. Being able to compromise gracefully adds to how others see you.