By Claralynn Schnell of ContemporaryVA
Do you have a willful child? One who always has to press all of the boundaries and push you past your limit? I do, and he is only three. I have a feeling that this could get worse before it gets better. Life with a willful child has a way to make you constantly question yourself as a parent. What have I done wrong? Is there something I could do differently? Is he willful because of something I did? The answer to all of these questions is simply…who knows!
In the three years that I have been raising my willful child, I have learned that I have to change how I parent in order to live in a peaceful house. I still make the rules and I set the boundaries, however, I now give him choices. For example, instead of just pouring cereal for breakfast, I give him options and he gets to choose. He gets to have the “power” of choosing his own breakfast, but I have kept the power by only giving him the options that I wanted. Everything in our house is pretty much this way. I give him the options and he gets the final choice. “Strong-willed kids aren’t just being difficult. They feel their integrity is compromised if they’re forced to submit to another person’s will. If they’re allowed to choose, they love to cooperate. If this bothers you because you think obedience is an important quality, I’d ask you to reconsider.” Dr. Laura Markham
Dr. Laura Markham says, “Have a strong-willed child? You’re lucky! Strong willed children can be a challenge to parent when they’re young, but if sensitively parented, they become terrific teens and young adults. Self-motivated and inner-directed, they go after what they want and are almost impervious to peer pressure. As long as parents resist the impulse to “break their will,” strong-willed kids often become leaders.” This is not always easy to keep in mind, however, I don’t want to break my child, like you would break a horse. I want to help mold him into a strong young man who is not easily swayed by peer pressure and the downfalls of growing up.
Next time you struggle with your child, ask yourself if the argument is worth it and if you can find a happy solution that you will both be agreeable to. Need help with a strong willed child, or how to change your attitude with them, Contact Paul and he can help.