By Claralynn Schnell of Contemporary VA
The holidays are a great time of year, lots of great food, friends, and family and even presents! While those things are wonderful and do bring immense amounts of joy, it can also bring immense amounts of pressure and anxiety. Family gatherings can be wrought with tension and expectations. There can be feelings of insecurities and under lying resentments that only surface when your family is together.
I have one older brother. He is 2.5 years older than me and we go in cycles of getting along, why you ask…because we are alike in many ways, yet drastically different in others. It is those drastically different items that drive that wedge deeper. For example, we both served in the Army, him 9 years, me 6 years. This is a common bond that really does draw us closer and we can talk about it for hours and get along. We both have kids, yet we parent completely differently and that can drive a wedge. My brother is a no nonsense, you will obey me, gruff parent. I am a parent who believes that even boys can cry and cuddle and have feelings. As you can see we differ greatly. This can make family gatherings tense. I am constantly on guard and standing up for my nieces and nephews when I feel he is too hard on them. This makes him angry (rightfully so), yet I can’t help but feel the need to protect. This is just one example of how family gatherings can add anxiety.
I have learned through the years, to have peaceful experiences with my brother at family gatherings is to do a couple of things.
- Assess the situation. I assess my brother when he first arrives. Is he cranky from traveling? Is he in a good mood? Does he need coffee?
- Have a conversation with him about his life. This helps put us both at ease and there are no expectations or demands.
- Oh this is a big one. When I feel like I might explode or that we are nearing an edge of tension, I try to walk away and go do something else in a different room.
While none of these are tried and true for every situation, they are what have helped me and my family make it through holidays when I thought that we couldn’t. Spending the holidays in a stressful and anxious situation is not healthy for anyone who is involved. If you are worried about the holidays please call Paul, he can work on the stress with you!
What are you currently struggling with? Let us know in the comments below or send a message here.
