By Claralynn Schnell of Contemporary VA

Living in a society that is all about instant gratification and what feels good now, regrets can easily start to creep in to our minds.  Should I have been so impulsive? Did I really need that, should I have said that?   So how do you make amends from those regrets and ensure that they do not occur again? I believe that each person has their own strategies and should work their process but that it is always good to look at how others are dealing with their own regrets.

For me personally, I work regrets like alcoholics work a recovery program.  I need to first come to grips and ACCEPT my fault in the situation in which I am regretting my reaction or decision.  Second, I need to make amends. Third, I have to change my behaviors to ensure that this regret does not occur again. It’s a process that is repeated daily, weekly and monthly. 

Regrets come in all shapes and sizes.  There are days that I snap at my two year old who simply wants to play cars and I find that I am too busy.  It usually takes about 5 minutes before I realize that I was wrong, I apologize and then we play cars.  Why?!? Because I feel it is important that my son sees that I am not above saying sorry, that mommy makes mistakes and takes responsibility and because these years will go way to fast and I want to enjoy our time now! I also believe that I am teaching him a life lesson, first, that no matter your position, taking responsibility and saying you are sorry can go miles and second, to never take for granted the time we have with one another.  That is one regret I refuse to have.

For bigger regrets it can take more than just an “I’m Sorry.”  We must first humble ourselves and realize the mistake we made has had a negative influence on someone else and when we seek to make amends, we need to realize that the relationship may be beyond repair.  However, finding the regret and making the changes is the important step in the process.  If it is one thing I have learned in the last year it is that we do not control other people and their reactions.  We only have control over what we do.

If you are living with regrets and want help on how to overcome these, contact Paul.  He can help in the process of healing the regret and teaching new techniques moving forward in your life.