By Sami Shields of Contemporary VA
Do you ever feel clueless when it comes to communicating with your wife? You already know you need to communicate better with her. You are aware of the statistics on how many marriages end in divorce over this issue. But you feel frustrated because you just can’t seem to get it right. Your wife has probably let you know that she needs you to open up to her or communicate more with her. She may have even told you that she feels like there is no emotional connection between you.
If this is you, rest assured that you are not alone in your struggle. In fact, I understand where you are coming from all too well. What is a godly man to do in this situation?
1. Be the Spouse You Desire
The first step to getting your spouse to treat you the way you desire is to model for them what that looks like. You can’t directly control their actions, but you can control your own. If you want them to be interested in what you have to say, be engaging and show how much you care about them.
It is so easy to fall into the trap of only reciprocating, but when you take that approach you both lose. Try your best to “suck it up” and be the spouse that you want to be married to. It’s called the Golden Rule for a reason.
2. Speak Their Language
In general, wives crave empathy and husbands crave respect. Do your best to communicate in a way that fulfills your spouse on their terms. I highly recommend that you read The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman and apply the principles that you learn to connect in a way that your wife or husband will respond to the best. Speak their love language!
3. Don’t Shut Down
When you are not getting what you want, it is so easy to simply recoil and exact some “revenge” on your spouse by withdrawing. This is not productive, and it will only degrade your communication further. I highly recommend that you check out a post on Engaged Marriage called “What’s the Secret to a Happy Marriage?“, and be conscious to avoid the unhealthy communication patterns that are highlighted.
Remember, it starts with you.
What are you currently struggling with? Let us know in the comments below or send a message here.
