By Claralynn Schnell of Contemporary VA

In a day and age where 50% of marriages end in divorce, the reality of co-parenting with a ex-spouse is very real.  The stress and anxiety that can accompany that relationship is also a very real hurdle that many people face on a daily basis.  How do you co-parent peacefully with someone that you couldn’t stay married to? How do you have a relationship in which you can work together to raise a child when you couldn’t save the relationship that you chose in the beginning? It can feel like an uphill battle and one that you are destined to lose, however, it does not have to be that way. There are some ways to work to gain a relationship with the other co-parent.

First, remember that you only have control of yourself, your reactions and your emotions.  This is important.  Fresh from a divorce emotions and feelings run high, remember that these emotions will dictate how you act, it is smart to take time before you react, in the early stages of co-parenting, email, text or letters will help to curb the want to react emotionally.  This can help solve problems before they even start.

Second, after emotions have died down and you are able to communicate clearly with the other co-parent it is important to remember that your child is 50% of this person.  Search hard for something that is good in your ex-spouse.  This will ensure that you are able to stay calm.

Third, your child will take cues from you. How they form a connection to the other co-parent will be a direct reflection on how you treat your ex-spouse.  The anxiety level in a child of divorce is extremely high. They never want to hurt either parent and never want to have to choose. Do not make them.

Remember that you had children because you wanted to bring little people into the world and mold them. Also remember that they feel stress just like you. Choose a better path for them. If you need help navigating a tough situation, please contact Paul.