By Claralynn Schnell of Contemporary VA

Lately I have noticed that my almost 4 year old has become fearful, scared and anxious over things that used to be easy for him. I use to marvel at how adaptable he was, that we could travel easily, that he loved new experiences and most of all, he was fearless.  That has all changed.

A little over a year ago, his dad and I split.  I packed up him and his brand new brother and moved across the country where there was an amazing support system in place for us.  Because of that move, he has grandparents that surround and love him tremendously, he is literally being raised in a village. Because of that village, if he sees that someone is leaving, he goes through separation anxiety. Now don’t get me wrong, separation anxiety is normal, however, not for this kid.  He is now afraid of the dark, scared when we fly, constantly asking what is that, telling me to be safe and so forth.  His anxiety and fear has risen to a place where he is now cautious of the world and those in it. While a little fear is good and healthy, I as a parent, am trying to strike that delicate balance between good fear and bad fear.

Here are a couple of things that have helped us to cope with this new stage of anxiety and fear.

1. I never discount his fear. I listen and try to understand what he is scared of. I never tell him he is silly or doesn’t need to be afraid. I don’t want to make him feel like his fears don’t matter.
2. I explain. My kid is a little engineer in the making…He needs to know how things work and why they work the way they do.  Because of this, I have found explaining to him about his fears has been the most effective.
3. I tell him it is ok to be scared. I don’t want him to live in fear and I want him to continue to have his playful and loving imagination, at the same time, I want him to have some healthy fears. I tell him it is ok to be scared of a stranger talking to you, a loud dog, or a car zooming by.  But then I also explain to him, that most dogs are nice, but we must ask permission to touch.  Same with cars and strangers.

Each day I am learning to strike a delicate balance with my son on what is a healthy fear and what is his anxiety.  He is a smart, outgoing, exploration drive, crazy little kid and I for one will fight for him to remain that way for as long as possible in a world that is so ready to make kids grow up before they are ready.  Are you struggling with anxiety in your kids, in yourself or see it in someone else? Contact Paul, he can help you.